Luckybuzz, age 4: Let’s pretend we’re the Flintstones, Grandma. You be Betty and I’ll be Wilma. Now you say, I want Barney to buy me a mink coat. No! Just say what I tell you!
LB, age 6: OK, [first grade best friend], let’s play the Hardy Boys. I’ll be Joe, and you be Frank. Now you say, I wonder what’s over here?
[First grade best friend]: I want to make up what I say.
LB: No! I know what you’re supposed to say!
LB, age 10: Hey, [little sister], I made up a game. I’ll tell you how to play it. No! You’re playing it wrong! Just do what I tell you! You can’t make up rules!
LB, age 12: I can’t believe that Rick Springfield is married. Seriously, doesn’t he realize that in, like, 6 years, *we* can totally get married? I can’t believe he would do this to me.
LB, age 16: [Cute Older Guy] should totally be with me, and not those girls his age. He will eventually see that I’m right, if I just keep being persistent about this.
LB, age 20: Yeah, I was monogamous when I was married to [Cute Older Guy], but I don’t do that anymore. I’m all about the non-monogamy now–everyone should be free to sleep with whoever they want….What do you mean you’re sleeping with HER? I CAN’T STAND HER! I mean, you should sleep with whoever else you want. Just not HER.
LB, age 23: Yeah, I know I said my last relationship was non-monogamous, and that’s what you want from our relationship, but *now* I want a monogamous relationship. What? You don’t? You’re sleeping with other people? La la la. I can’t hear you. [Friends, now, but you can see why this could only end badly.]
LB, age 24: GB, I think you’re a great guy, but I totally can’t have a monogamous relationship with you. I’m all about the open relationships, man. My way or the highway. Wait, you want to fool around with HER? Seriously? Ewwww. No, I mean, whatever you want. But ewwwwww.
LB, age 33: Bad Idea, just because I’m living with GB and dating the Wrangler doesn’t give you a reason to resist me. It’s not like I want to date you–I just want to fool around. Of course that’s what you’re looking for. You wouldn’t want to date me anyway. Right? You think I should go home? Dude, that is SO uncool.
LB, age 34: What the hell is the Squirrel thinking? How can he sleep with the [single, available, soon-to-be-moving] SoapStar when *I* want to fool around with him–you know, when I have the time and the inclination? Fine, I’ll just go home with Gospel Bob.
Blogfriends. It’s occurring to me that I might have a little bit of a control-freak issue.
May 19, 2006 at 1:07 pm
Aye, those are lovely tales.
If I were to lay out a similar list, I would demonstrate my incredible ability to be incredibly contrary for no reason other than being contrary.
May 19, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Now I know why we never got romantically involved. No, no, not because you’re some horrible person, but rather because we would have done the exact same things at each other, and it would have been horrendous.
Oh, plus, you never asked me. 😀
May 19, 2006 at 2:12 pm
WAIT A MINUTE! I totally asked you! In my socially awkward, fear-of-rejection, I’m-not-cool-enough-for-you way, but I’m SURE I asked you!
Dammit.
Oh, and I also think you’re right. 🙂
May 19, 2006 at 3:30 pm
Okay, but telling me when I’m already involved with a monogamous-guy doesn’t count!!
LOL
May 19, 2006 at 3:35 pm
I know. Both GB and I have discussed this particular flaw on my part. And by “this particular flaw,” I mean specifically in terms of you.
But I don’t want to weird you out or anything. I mean, GB has the same regret. It’s not just me.
You’re such a femme fatale, taz. 🙂
May 19, 2006 at 4:00 pm
Shit, girl! I think we must be twins. Control Freak is my middle name.
May 19, 2006 at 5:13 pm
You crack me up, LB. And not because I identify with this or anything… 😉
May 19, 2006 at 7:40 pm
so…you are saying this is a “bad” way to run a relationship? When did this come up? LB you and I both know…people need people to stop people from doing stupid things like sleeping with gross people. And frankly, if Bad Idea sends you home, he will never evolve into Horrible Mistake. And I need that to happen. And you know i mean that in the super most good for you way right? I love you soo…rick springfield is kicking himself somewhere now just asking why?
May 19, 2006 at 11:40 pm
Wow, I get to be someone’s flaw? Or a flaw? That’s kinda neat. 🙂
(Take that in the spirit in which it’s intended… which would generally be accompanied by sharing a shot of tequila.)