Luckybuzz, age 4: Let’s pretend we’re the Flintstones, Grandma. You be Betty and I’ll be Wilma. Now you say, I want Barney to buy me a mink coat. No! Just say what I tell you!

LB, age 6: OK, [first grade best friend], let’s play the Hardy Boys. I’ll be Joe, and you be Frank. Now you say, I wonder what’s over here?
[First grade best friend]: I want to make up what I say.
LB: No! I know what you’re supposed to say!

LB, age 10: Hey, [little sister], I made up a game. I’ll tell you how to play it. No! You’re playing it wrong! Just do what I tell you! You can’t make up rules!

LB, age 12: I can’t believe that Rick Springfield is married. Seriously, doesn’t he realize that in, like, 6 years, *we* can totally get married? I can’t believe he would do this to me.

LB, age 16: [Cute Older Guy] should totally be with me, and not those girls his age. He will eventually see that I’m right, if I just keep being persistent about this.

LB, age 20: Yeah, I was monogamous when I was married to [Cute Older Guy], but I don’t do that anymore. I’m all about the non-monogamy now–everyone should be free to sleep with whoever they want….What do you mean you’re sleeping with HER? I CAN’T STAND HER! I mean, you should sleep with whoever else you want. Just not HER.

LB, age 23: Yeah, I know I said my last relationship was non-monogamous, and that’s what you want from our relationship, but *now* I want a monogamous relationship. What? You don’t? You’re sleeping with other people? La la la. I can’t hear you. [Friends, now, but you can see why this could only end badly.]

LB, age 24: GB, I think you’re a great guy, but I totally can’t have a monogamous relationship with you. I’m all about the open relationships, man. My way or the highway. Wait, you want to fool around with HER? Seriously? Ewwww. No, I mean, whatever you want. But ewwwwww.

LB, age 33: Bad Idea, just because I’m living with GB and dating the Wrangler doesn’t give you a reason to resist me. It’s not like I want to date you–I just want to fool around. Of course that’s what you’re looking for. You wouldn’t want to date me anyway. Right? You think I should go home? Dude, that is SO uncool.

LB, age 34: What the hell is the Squirrel thinking? How can he sleep with the [single, available, soon-to-be-moving] SoapStar when *I* want to fool around with him–you know, when I have the time and the inclination? Fine, I’ll just go home with Gospel Bob.

Blogfriends. It’s occurring to me that I might have a little bit of a control-freak issue.

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