tell me I’m pretty


I’m going off the Lexapro. Yeah, I know, we all remember what that was like last time. This time, though, I’m doing it under the supervision of an incredibly overpriced (“I don’t bill insurance directly, you’ll have to get reimbursed”) psychiatrist, so I guess that’s an improvement. (I use “supervision” loosely. Because he doesn’t bill my insurance, I can’t actually go to see him again, so that grueling, hour and a half long conversation we had this week will have to suffice. Upshot of $200+, 1.5 hour visit: “You’ll have to do what you think is best.” Uh, thanks.)

Anyway. Yeah, I know that Lexapro is in that weird category of drugs that might be completely harmless to the li’l olive* or might be hideously destructive. No one knows. And yeah, I’m going off it late in the first trimester, and any damage may already be done, but whatever, I’m hoping for the best. And yes, most of all, I am positive that going off the Lexapro right now, two weeks before Big Giant Conference where I am presenting for the first time, is probably not a great idea. But the shrink is all, if you’re going to quit it, quit it now, and that makes sense to  me.

Reassurance would be great. I’ll be fine at the conference, right? Presentation will go fine, everything will be okay, despite the fact that I won’t be drinking or on Lexapro or on Klonopin? (I’ve been advised that Bendryl can be a safe, and mild, sedative. I’m not really hoping for great things from that.)

Yeah. Let the crazy mood swings commence.

*Nine weeks today–apparently the li’l Buzzlet is  “the size of a medium  green olive” this week. Mmmmm, martinis…..

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(As seen at all the cool kids’ places)

The Great Mofo Delurk 2007

Because I have learned through my hero, MaggieMay, that today is some sort of delurking day, and that makes me happy. Do I have lurkers? I suspect not (I think most of my visitors are the Few and the Faithful), but if you do lurk in these parts, say hey, willya? Let’s see….tell me what you’re doing for Halloween this year. We don’t have plans yet, and it is *so* the Best! Day! of the Year! I need inspiration.

But more to the point, because the cool kids are doing it…..

(And I will totally not think less of you if you know absolutely nothing about me…I will think that you have a rich, fulfilling life that prevents you from knowing minute details about the random factoids of mine. ‘Kay?)

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….what do you think of me?

I loved the Johari the last time it came around, so I thought about doing it again when I saw that Trixie was doing it. But then I wavered…until I saw that Sidonia had done one too. So now I *have* to, right? Because maybe y’all think different things about me this time around. Or not. Either way.

Okay, so my new one is here.  I thought about doing the Nohari window too, but….well, really, I just want to hear the nice things. Is that so wrong? (Answer: hell no!)

I am sad right now because:

  • I have the first section for one of my classes tonight and I am not even a little prepared. As in, I’m planning on starting with “so what did you think of the readings?”. Not good.
  • I haven’t read the materials for the tutorial yet, and I’m realizing that attempting to teach something I know next to nothing about was not my best idea. The rest of the semester should be okay, but this week and next week will reveal my utter lameness to my tutorial student.
  • I haven’t had a minute to work on the dissertation at all, what with all the prepping of classes I know nothing about.
  • The Big Scary Colloquium presentation of this chapter is still coming up next month, and I still have no chapter.
  • A colleague just emailed to suggest we do something for next year’s Big Conference that would be interesting, and a good idea, but is another thing on my plate that needs to be done in the next week.
  • I go back to small claims court on Thursday to remind them of my quasi-indigence.

I am happy right now because:

  • I went to traffic court this morning and got my speeding ticket dismissed. Apparently driving 20 years with no prior violations impresses the authorities. Go me.
  • You’re going to take a minute to leave a valentine in my Kleenex box on the Internets for me. Right?

My Valentinr - luckybuzz

Get your own valentinr

So, what, you think posting a dozen times today means I’m avoiding something? Am not! I just happen to not be crazy about the reading I need to get done for class this week, and I’m feeling a smidge lazy, and thinking about music and templates and drinking is so much nicer overall.

And I was thinking about this post from Phantom Scribbler from a bit ago, since I’m sitting here at my desk looking at three portraits of myself done by my three under-10 friends. I’m not entirely sure why the children I know always draw me–it made more sense when I had dreads, but now, I don’t know, is it just because they like me? Anyway. If you’re wondering what I look like, I present to you “Three Views of Luckybuzz”:


This one was done by my “adorable, and what a great imagination!” 3 year old niece over the summer. See that line coming out of my head? She draws that on every picture of people she makes. I love it. What is she seeing?

This one is from her sister, my oh-my-god-so-much-like-me (but way more brilliant and cuter) 6 year old niece (done on the same day):

Um, you should know that I don’t wear dresses. That’s a little artistic license.

And this one was my birthday present from the Li’l Wrangler. It’s the two of us, eating ice cream. (I’m on the right, in the muumuu. I don’t want to talk about that part. Then again, he’s wearing a muumuu too, so maybe it’s the cool thing to do.)

So there you have it. Now you know what I look like. And I’m seriously off to bed.