boozy fun


It would take 13 shots of Tequila to kill me

That actually doesn’t seem like very much to me…Although I guess they’re talking about a “three hour drinking period.” And we did mostly do half-shots, back in the Bumper Pool Basement. So okay, maybe.

It would take 10 Dirty Martinis to kill me

But only five to make me wish I was dead.

(Bad Idea always used to quote his father: “Martinis are like women’s breasts. One’s not enough, three is too many, two is just right.” Not that Bad Idea–or I–ever stuck with two martinis, though….We may both be slightly more hedonistic than Bad Idea’s dad. I always used to quote back Dorothy Parker’s ode to martinis:

“I like to have a Martini,
two at the very most.
Three and I’m under the table,
four and I’m under my host.”

Yes, Bad Idea and I drinking together was, to the casual observer, a very repetitive, boring event. I do miss it.)

And, OMG, look what I just found! They have that on martini glasses! Oh, yeah, that is SO my post-baby present to myself…)

Yeah, so, this was going to be a whiny post about how, dammit, I am OVER this whole no-local-friends thing, and I miss my friends, dammit, and I’m not sure how I can be lonely and solitary all day and STILL not be getting this goddamn chapter done. But whatever. Y’all know all that. Instead, I’ll leave you with this little badge of honor:

97%ALCOHOLIC

ETA: (Hmmm…I wonder why the graphic for that didn’t show up? It looked better with the graphic. Without, it just looks like a cry for help.)

  • We’re still in Hometown State, which is about a quarter of the way to California.
  • We’ve spent the past two nights with CRSE, Gill Smoke, Norm and the Turnip. I am completely unmotivated to leave their home. If we hadn’t left the cats at my mom’s house, I’d probably just take them up on their offer to move in. I have photographic evidence of why we should just stay here, but I’m having trouble with photo sizes, so you’ll have to wait to see the glory of my multiple drinks (which Gill has kept full for two days) and the adorableness of the boys.
  • This town has my favorite pizza ever. We had three pizzas for dinner last night, and GB and I are picking up four more to take back to my mom’s/sister’s house tonight.
  • Two of the cats have been maniacs in the car. Fortunately, and as proof that there is some kind of God-type thing, my sister is a vet, and can hook us up with kitty drugs for the rest of the trip.
  • I am completely incapable of answering questions about my current or future plans. Well-meaning friends ask me innocent questions about our move (which is IN PROGRESS, I should point out) and I have to just point to GB, who fields them for me. I’m in an awkward place with all this.
  • There’s a chance that our 13-year-old goddess-daughter might have discovered my blog (due to an unfortunate lack of attention on the part of my drunk ass when she was borrowing my laptop the other night…combined with the devious promptings of my lurker friend TMH. Hi, Mays! I will so get you for this.). JB, if you’re reading this, learn from my mistakes. And, um, drugs are bad. No matter what your Uncle GB says. And we think you rock.
  • I considered making changes to the blog when I realized it may have been compromised, but meh, what the hell. I think I generally do good things here.

So, you know how I was all like, okay, the deed is done with Bad Idea, resolution blah blah blah, and I don’t have to do that again?

Well, I might have spoken just a bit too soon.

I hadn’t talked to Bad Idea since he left my house on Friday morning, and I had every reason to believe that he was just being…weird.

Last night, though, Jason, IB/DM, and Bad Idea came over for a few drinks–a pre-going-away party, to prepare us for today’s actual going-away-party. It was fun–drinking, listening to music, one everyone-drop-your-pants-and-do-a-shot moment (yeah, it’s nice to have GB back).

Then we decided to go out for a beer, and headed down the street a few blocks. The minute we got outside, Bad Idea dropped back with me–we ended up a couple blocks behind IB/DM, GB, and Jason. As soon as they (well, Jason, since GB and IB/DM already know all about the other night) were out of earshot, Bad Idea said, Damn, I keep thinking about the other night and I’d like to do that again…how about tomorrow sometime?

Well, blogfriends, what with the impending move and all, I think we can all assume that’s an offer I won’t be able to refuse.

So if we duck out of the party for a few minutes this afternoon? Uh, don’t look for us, okay?

***Bonus tragi-comic sentence of the evening: “Why does this have to happen right when you’re moving?”***

Guess what I did?

Told Bad Idea I wasn’t going to fuck him.

Guess what I woke up to at 8am?

3 untouched Jack & Cokes (why did I pour three drinks for the two of us?)

2 condom wrappers on the floor

2 HUGE painful bruise-y spots on my back (what the fuck happened to me? Did I fall down the basement stairs again? Thank gods there’s no actual basement here…)

1 Bad Idea standing confusedly in the middle of the living room mumbling, “I think I need to go home…”

SPOILER ALERT!

We probably should have stuck with the heavy petting.

Live and learn. Regrets, I have none. Though I *am* going back to sleep.

Friends….my laptop is almost dead. I’m going out in a minute to see if I can get a new hard drive to resurrect it…but it doesn’t look good. I’m writing this on GB’s old iMac, and because of cord issues I have to lie on the floor as I try to type this, and it’s awkward. So–here’s the abbreviated update. Details will very likely follow, because I am ALL about kissing and telling.

  • oysters I ate: 5!
  • oysters Bad Idea ate: 7
  • oysters I enjoyed: every damn one of them
  • bowls of clam chowder shared: 1
  • lobsters slain and consumed: 2
  • bites of lobster fed to me by Bad Idea: 3
  • beers consumed with dinner: 9?
  • minutes into dinner when Bad Idea started planning for later kissing: 30
  • sidewalk benches where public making-out occurred: 1
  • time spent on first sidewalk bench: ~1 hour
  • passers-by who suggested that we might want to “get a room”: 4
  • number of erotic suggestions whispered into my ear: 12-ish
  • random other dark sidewalk locations where public groping occurred: 2
  • time spent in post-dinner makeout: 2 hours?
  • number of times I was informed that the fact of my marriage would preclude “actual” fucking: 4
  • bizarre (or completely normal, I guess) moral codes Bad Idea maintains, and with which I must disagree: 1
  • Fun had, regardless, on a scale of 1 – 10: I’m going to go with 11.

This is what I did today:

My first beach trip of the year! Whooohoo! Those feet belong to me and GB…you can’t see Jason’s, Bad Idea’s, or Bad Idea’s Borrowed Dog’s feet in this picture, but they were there, too. I like beach.

Sorry to be so quiet in blogland lately. I will totally take on MaggieMay’s tag-challenge, aaaaany minute now…..

I don’t even know why I haven’t been blogging or commenting lately. Well–I haven’t been working, either, and maybe that’s keeping me from doing much on the computer. I’ve been distracted by a bunch of things:

  • we’re working on the New Plan, and it’s brought my OCD out in full force; I’m not doing a very good job of thinking about much else, and I’m just generally wandering the internets, following my OCD urges.
  • this whole moving thing–it’s stressing me out. Not only are we not ready to move (not packed at all, really, and with a house full of crap that needs to be gotten rid of)–we’re also dealing with the whole no-jobs, no-place-to-live (well, with GB’s parents, but that really has to be temporary), what-the-fuck-will-we-do thing. A little stressful.
  • And leaving here is stressing me out, too. Time is getting short, and everyone is getting a little twitchy and sad (by “everyone” I mean me, and Jason, and Bad Idea, and IB/DM. There’s a *LOT* of not-talking-about-it going on.)
  • And I haven’t felt much like drinking lately, which is too bad, because part of me wants to be drunk all this month.
  • Although, Thursday night I got painfully, incredibly, outstandingly drunk with Bad Idea, went back to his house, and proceeded to puke All. The fuck. Over.
  • That? Is not hot.
  • Bad Idea, however–while still a bad idea–is also a freaking prince. He kindly and tactfully cleaned up after me, shielded me from his roommate’s ire, and walked me safely to a cab (at 4:30am). And, in response to my many, many apologies, responded only: “It happens to everyone. And the kissing part earlier was fun.”
  • What kissing part? There was kissing?!
  • Apparently there was kissing, and apparently I had fun. Damn. I’m sorry I missed it.
  • Have I mentioned that I really have not been drinking lately, and I seem to have absolutely no tolerance left at ALL?
  • Moreover, why am I telling you all this, internet friends? After a silence this long, I return with stories of drunken sickness? That’s just bad form.
  • Sorry.
  • I think the Aphrodisiac Dinner with Bad Idea is still on, in a couple weeks. Wish me luck. I might need it.
  • See, maybe it’s better if I just maintain a little silence here for a while….
  • Allergies? Or Cold From Hell?
  • I don’t really get allergies, ever, so I’m going with cold.
  • I have no voice. None. Well, right now I have little peeps of voice sometimes, but the past four days? Pretty much just squeaking.
  • And, as of tonight, lots and lots of coughing.
  • Well, and the whole low-grade fever and fatigue thing.
  • So we didn’t go camping until Sunday. The first night with the boys Up North was okay–it rained a lot, but a pretty good time. Not so sure sleeping in the tent helped my cold/laryngitis, but I don’t think it hurt it, either.
  • And we had a site right on the river. This was the view from our tent on Monday morning:
  • Then we went off to Next State to camp with Skycat and the Yogini, which….well, it was as absolutely freaking awesome and fun as we expected it to be. For starters, this was the view AT OUR CAMPSITE (and yeah, you can totally swim in that lake, and I have the Best Pictures Ever of Skycat and Gospel Bob playing in the water here):
  • Just Couldn’t. Love them. More. I really do have the best friends in the whole freaking world–I say that all the time. But I really love when I get reminded of it so vividly.
  • And this is Sam and Diane, the coolest duck couple I have ever seen. Seriously. These ducks were awesome. They were cool, mellow, happy, and they looked like a couple that had been together a long time. We loved them (but we didn’t feed them):
  • And, in a moment that made me way too geekily happy, GB asked if I wanted to take a bloggable photo of us:
  • So, yeah. Great weekend. Lots of camping, drinking, singing (yes, I did actually try to sing with my squeaky voice. How could I not? Seriously. You couldn’t resist singing with those girls either), talking (not so much me), games, and more laughing than I’ve done in awhile.
  • Just about worth the cough and no-voice.
  • But I still hope I feel better tomorrow.
  • Hope y’all had great weekends too!

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