2. NEVER IN MY LIFE have I waited so long for a meme question to make sense.
3. WHEN I WAS FIVE I taunted God and waited for the thunderbolts.
4. HIGH SCHOOL WAS ugh.
5.I WILL NEVER FORGET that thing. What was it?
6. ONCE I MET A GUY IN A BAR. We took things a little too far. He grabbed a drink, I started to think, perhaps we should fuck in his car. (Nice spontaneous limerickage, GB!)
7. THERE’S THIS BOY I KNOW I don’t know.
8. ONCE AT A BAR, i met a wife.
9. BY NOON, I’m drunk of course.
10.LAST NIGHT i fell in love with my family even more.
11.IF ONLY I HAD more teeth.
12. NEXT TIME I GO TO CHURCH I hope it’s a wedding.
13. WHAT WORRIES ME MOST is little shit.
14. WHEN I TURN MY HEAD LEFT – where’d my head go? Holy shit!
15. WHEN I TURN MY HEAD RIGHT I see sugarplums and snuggleturds.
16. YOU KNOW I’M LYING WHEN I’m on my bed.
17. WHAT I MISS MOST ABOUT THE EIGHTIES is not a damn thing.
18. IF I WERE A CHARACTER IN SHAKESPEARE I’d be one of them crossdressers.
19. BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR Waylon will be sooo much bigger.
20. A BETTER NAME FOR ME would be Malfluvio.
21.I HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING George W. Bush.
22. IF I EVER GO BACK TO SCHOOL, I won’t. Fuck no. No way. I love it though. But a terminal degree is a terminal degree.
23. YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU if I offer to eat mushrooms because they’re in what you’re cooking.
24. IF I EVER WON AN AWARD THE FIRST PERSON I WOULD THANK WOULD BE probably my mother.
25. TAKE MY ADVICE, please take my advice. What do you mean, he had bullet holes in his mirrors?
26. MY IDEAL BREAKFAST just keeps going and going. Mmm, I love breakfast.
27. A SONG I LOVE BUT DO NOT HAVE IS unknown to me.
28.IF YOU VISIT MY HOMETOWN, you really should be in San Francisco.
29. WHY WON’T PEOPLE park better?
30. IF YOU SPEND A NIGHT AT MY HOUSE you will either a) drink too much and eat all of our food, or b) be a relative.
32. THE WORLD COULD DO WITHOUT pollution.
33.I’D RATHER LICK THE BELLY OF A COCKROACH THAN step on a cockroach.
34. MY FAVORITE BLOND is a blond in hand.
35. PAPER CLIPS ARE MORE USEFUL THAN novelty turds.
36. IF I DO ANYTHING WELL – what do you mean “if”?
37.I CAN’T HELP BUT be thankful.
38. I USUALLY CRY if I’m lucky. I’m not a crier, but I like crying.
39. MY ADVICE TO MY NIECE/NEPHEW is be nice.
40. AND BY THE WAY, you look fantastic.