Turns out that my little milk junkie is really just a recreational user. He’s not actually, you know, *eating*.

We’re lucky to have a really awesome lactation consultant. She works out of our pediatrician’s office, and she actually taught all of our baby classes. She has a clinic twice a week where we can go with questions and to get weight checks done.

Which is how we learned that H has only gained 2 ounces in the past week. Which is not enough. She sent us home on Tuesday with instructions to really work on pushing him to eat–he’s a very lazy nurser, and he pretty much just wants to snooze on the boob. (Who doesn’t, really? It’s not that I blame him.) Anyway. I spent 48 hours trying to feed him as much as I could, and he spent those 48 hours acting like he was starving and refusing to let anyone else hold him. And we went back today to learn that he hadn’t gained any more weight.

At which, of course, I started crying, making the lactation consultant spend part of her valuable time patting me on the back and assuring me that it’s really H’s fault, and not mine, and that he’s fine, really, and we can fix this.

Anyway. So as of this afternoon, H is getting supplemental formula from syringes, to reduce the whole nipple-confusion issue (which I’m not sure I even buy, but whatever, and I do want to keep breastfeeding after this whole supplementing thing is over, so I’ll work with it). He seems very confused about the whole thing, understandably–why has mama gone crazy and started pulling him off the boob to give him weird-tasting formula at what must seem to be random intervals? But he’s being a trooper, and I’ve been assured that this will help with the weight gain.

And I am so freaked out that I lack the skills to keep my child alive that I may give up even the tiny hour-long naps that have been keeping me alive in favor of just Worrying Full Time.

Anyway. Still waiting for the Zoloft to kick in–I’ve been taking half doses, but I’m going up to a full dose tonight. Still counting on things getting easier soon. Still getting randomly weepy remembering my Old Life with the drinking and the bars and the kissable friends.

Still also loving the hell outta my boy, though, so that helps.

I am really hoping to get back to blogworld soon…I’m reading blogs, but not commenting yet. But I miss y’all. I’ll be back around….

Gratuitous H picture: he’s got the blog-anonymity thing down.