May 2008


I hate the comments about my size that come from strangers–yes, I know I’m huge, yes, I’m due any day now. I have body issues. I really, really don’t want to talk about my body with people I barely know (and that includes the really annoying neighbor who said, “Oh, your navel is protruding!” when I went out to get the mail. Um, fucking rude).

But what’s worse that that, even, is the question that my mother, my mother-in-law, and another random neighbor have all hit me with, “So, how much are you dilated?”

Honestly. At what point is it appropriate to ask about the state of someone’s cervix? Here’s a hint: The answer is NEVER. Not even if the person in question is 10 months pregnant and the size of a house and begging the fetus to just vacate, already, and turn into a baby. Yes, I’m miserable. No, discussing the size of my cervix is not going to make me feel any better about this pregnancy.

Why is there a totally different etiquette for dealing with pregnant women? Why is it okay to comment on things you would never, ever say to anyone else? (GB, sympathizing, said, “I find it hard to believe anyone would ever consider asking me about the size of my prostate.”)

Yes, my hormones are at Full Rage Mode. But it’s not just hormones. It’s common fucking courtesy.

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I always hate the phone–I have serious phone-avoidance issues, even on my best days. But lately? I. Hate. The phone.

I just paid our cell phone bill for the past month: almost $50 in overage charges. I guarantee that all 100 of those extra minutes consisted of this conversation:

(me): Hi.

(friend/family member): Are you having the baby?????

(me) No.

(f/fm, disappointedly): Oh. How do you feel?

(me): miserable.*

(f/fm, even more disappointedly): Oh.

I absolutely love that my family and friends are so happy for us about H., and that so many people are excited for him to show up. Really. I love that. But seriously? Right now, no one wants H here more than I do, and while I understand my loved ones’ impatience and excitement, I have spent way too many really expensive minutes reassuring them that H will, in fact, show up eventually, and no, i have no idea when that will be.*

(Which I actually don’t believe, anymore. I think he’s taken up permanent residence. I realized this morning that I no longer believe that he’s actually coming out, and that I will just have this giant head in my pelvis forever.)

——————

*I woke up last night to pee (one of the many times), and I could not get up. I mean literally. I could not haul myself up to a sitting position. I was lying on my right side–always harder to get up from, partly because I can’t just roll off the bed and partly because all of H’s heavy parts are on my right side (he sticks his butt way up all the time, so it’s very easy to see where his butt and back are–and the ultrasound confirmed he’s in exactly the position I thought he was). I tried three times. I Could. Not. Get. Up. I was cussing like a sailor by the time I finally rolled onto my left side and flopped myself over the edge of the bed. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Poor GB. Living with me is not easy.

**My mom has asked me twice now if my doctors have talked about inducing labor. I keep reminding her that my due date is, technically, next week. She says she knows, she’s just wondering….Ugh.

Canada asked for an updated belly shot. I’m not thrilled with the state of the belly right now, but I am seriously hoping that today’s picture will be the last of the pregnancy belly shots, so I’m complying. (I am *very* much hoping that I don’t have to post a 40 week shot…or, gods forbid, a 41 week shot. Ugh.)

First, just for kicks, here’s the very first pregnancy belly picture I took, at 6 1/2 weeks. (Remember that this is after about a year of Weight Watchers, having gotten back down to my goal weight.):

And here are my pictures from today, at 39 weeks:

Can you see what happened in that last picture? Everything below my belly button completely flattened out. It’s totally bizarre. I think that’s where H. has been hanging out for the past couple months, and when he dropped (and oh, he’s continuing to drop, ow), he left this big weird vacant flat spot. It’s really not the most attractive thing I’ve seen. Anybody else get a weird flat-spot belly at the end?

So yeah. Here’s hoping these are the last belly pictures, and that the next pictures I post on here will be of H. himself.

  • H looked great on the monitor and the ultrasound today, so yesterday’s heartrate deceleration seems to have been a fluke. I did eat a doughnut right before the doctor visit, so his heartrate may have been slightly artificially accelerated….but the doctor says he looks good, and that makes me happy.
  • The staff at the doctor’s office have started making sympathetic noises in my direction. They all know that the preterm labor scare skewed my idea of when H would be showing up, and now they’re all reassuring me that I won’t make it to next week’s appointments. We’ll see.
  • I’m up to twice-weekly appointments now. According to my favorite doctor: “We have to see you twice a week because you’re old.”
  • I am absolutely shocked by the size of my ankles. And my calves. They have reached what can only be described as “gargantuan proportions.” Really, it’s an incredibly disturbing sight.
  • I keep asking GB if I look awful, and his response is “You look 10 months pregnant.” My boy is nothing if not diplomatic.
  • I was up all night (well, from about 4 to about 8am) just basically…worrying. No fun. I feel a nap coming on.

At my doctor’s appointment today I met the last doctor in the practice (there are 5, and they rotate you through them because any of them could end up delivering). Not sure how I’d missed her so far. She was awesome. All the doctors there are pretty awesome, though as I’ve mentioned, I’m not so crazy about the one male doctor. You might recall that he’s the only doctor in the practice who’s found it necessary to tell me I was gaining too much weight. So I have some issues with him. And with my weight, obviously.

So it was really nice today to have this other doctor look at my chart and say, “Your blood pressure is fine,* and your weight looks great.”

That is freaking awesome. I’ve gained more than 50 pounds.** So yay for non-stupid doctors.

H. looks good for the most part. I got to see bits of him on an ultrasound (checking fluid levels, which are fine), and the doctor pointed out that we could see him practicing breathing on the ultrasound. That was cool.

They want me back tomorrow for another non-stress test, though, because he seemed to have one “late deceleration” in heartrate, which could possibly indicate some distress. I’m trying not to freak out about it, and I’m glad to be going back tomorrow. Honestly, with the way my anxiety’s been, I would pretty much live in the doctor’s office until H is born, if they’d let me. So think good thoughts for us for an uneventful appointment tomorrow, please.

Oh, and a nurse told me, “I don’t think your belly can get any bigger.” So there’s the professional opinion on that: I have officially maxed out the belly.

*Which is nice, because we were at L&D over the weekend to get monitored because my BP was a little high. It seems okay now.

**For what it’s worth, I think I’ve mentioned that my two sisters each gained 60 pounds with each of their pregnancies…and they’re both tiny, tiny people.

Because the Giant Annoyances are getting overwhelming…

  • Why can’t I get any good watermelon? I keep buying the cups of cut watermelon at the store (because I am WAY too lazy to chop my own watermelon right now) and it’s just never sweet. Is it just too early? Is there no good watermelon in this part of the country? (I know there are no good tomatoes in this state, which is another source of endless annoyance to me…My Home State, and East Coast State, have spoiled me on tomatoes.) All I’m asking for is one sweet watermelon. I’m not sure why that’s so hard.
  • GB and I watched, and loved, the first four seasons of The Wire. Thanks to everyone who recommended it! We finished season 4 last night, though, and Season 5 isn’t out on DVD yet. And it was on HBO On Demand awhile back, but now it’s not. So. Will I ever get to see season 5? And if so, how? Or will it come out on DVD after H shows up, and then it’ll be, like, years before GB and I get a chance to watch the next season? I want to watch it NOW, dammit! Anyone know anywhere I can find it?
  • Heartburn. I still have it. This kid is as low as he can possibly go without being outside, and I still have toes up in my ribs and heartburn/reflux. What’s up with that? Do I have a future NBA star in there? GB and I are not tall people, but this kid is taking up all the space he can.
  • Water. Where is it going? I’m drinking more than 100 ounces of water a day–I refill the 34oz Bubba Keg at least three times a day, and I try to go for four. Yet my lips are constantly dry and I’m parched. Every single time I’ve been to L&D, they’ve told me I’m dehydrated. Where is all this water I’m drinking going?
  • Oh, wait, I know where it’s going–straight to my fucking calves. My calves are unbelievably, ridiculously swollen. I mentioned the inch-deep indentation when I pressed my foot against my shin, right? It’s completely freakish. What possible use is it to me or the baby to store fluid in my calves?
  • (On the bright side, I thought my calves were just really, really fat, and was actually a little relieved to discover that it’s mostly swelling.)

Dancingfish reminded me that there was a Buzzlet pool awhile back on here. At the time, we still didn’t know the sex, so most of the guesses were along those lines–but a lot of people guessed due date and time too. I thought it might be fun to revisit those guesses and invite new ones, just for the hell of it. There’s no actual prize at the end of this–just bragging rights. Plus, it keeps me distracted for now, which is definitely worthwhile.

Okay, so here are the guesses I have so far:

Our due date, based on my (very accurate) calculations, is June 4th. The doctor’s EDD for us is June 6th, but their chart doesn’t take leap year into account. Working with their calculations and considering leap year, it’d be June 5th.

Not that any of that matters. They tell me that 2 weeks on either side of the EDD is “normal.”

I also have heard that the average gestation for first babies is 41 weeks and 1 day. However, both of my sisters had their first babies 2+ weeks early. Which also means very little.

Because I’m a geek, I also started a pool at this website. Yes, I am desperately trying to keep myself occupied, without actually working. Feel free to guess here in comments, or at the website, or to completely ignore this whole thing. Whatever.

Me, I’m still hoping for a May birthday…but we’ll see, I guess.

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