I hate when my normal, everyday anxiety/panic stuff meets Real Life worries.

Because I just don’t trust myself, you know? I know that I worry constantly, that my anxiety levels are always high, and that I’m prone to panic attacks. So I’m never sure if pain or anxiety that I’m feeling is “real,” or All In My Head, and I hate that no one else can verify this stuff for me, either.

So I’ve been feeling weird since yesterday, but I seem to be completely incapable of figuring out whether or not something is “wrong.” Am I feeling crampy, or is it just indigestion? Is that pressure preterm labor or gas? Is my complete (and unprecedented) lack of appetite and gastric weirdness Something, or just stress and those fried pierogies I shouldn’t have had yesterday?

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, but I was stressing out enough this morning (after feeling weird and just kind of off all night) to call and see if I can/should come in today. Of course, my doctor was walking out the door for a delivery and there are no other doctors there (and what’s up with that, anyway?). So now I’m waiting for a call back from the Nurse Practitioner. And I’m still second-guessing myself. Should I have just waited until tomorrow? Or did I downplay the weirdness I’m feeling too much? Did I make it sound worse than it really is, or was I not clear enough that this is all unusual for me? Would I know if there was really something wrong, or would my inherent hypochondria and anxiety cancel each other out and leave me completely immoblilized?

Yeah, not so good at this. Chances are pretty good that I would have something more noticeable than cramps and discomfort if H. was actually planning to be born, say, today, right?

Update: I have an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner in an hour. Better safe, she says, especially after last week’s irritable uterus issues. So okay then. I am prepared to be thoroughly embarrassed when they tell me it’s just gas. But whatever. I’ve never done this before. I plead ignorance.

Advertisements