• GB and I had a really stupid argument last night that escalated into a Whole Big Thing.
  • Just prior to the Whole Big Stupid Argument, he made a sudden movement next to me on the bed and the Big Orange Cat (22+ pounds) freaked out and leapt off him and straight onto my face. I have a huge cat scratch across my right cheek. Knowing my skin and cat scratches, it is extremely likely that it will scar.
  • Before this happened, I was already feeling just about as totally unattractive and gross as I could imagine feeling. Now? I feel enormous, and somewhat hideous, AND I have a giant cut on my cheek.
  • The Whole Big Stupid Argument made me cry, and I’ve discovered that lately when I cry I can’t stop. I’m guessing that would be a hormonal thing. Whatever it is, it’s very disturbing to start crying over something relatively small and discover that I only have two settings: Not Crying, and Uncontrollable Sobbing.
  • We’re over it today, and things are fine, but I only got a little over 5 hours of sleep.
  • Not that it matters, since I don’t really sleep even when I’m “sleeping”.
  • I’m still doing the random Academic Whore project–8 hours today. I napped for 15 minutes during my 1/2 hour lunch, but it didn’t help much.
  • I’m so tired I can’t see straight.
  • And I know I’m fucking up the job today. I am expecting a call any minute from my current supervisor, letting me know the quantity and extent of my fuckups.
  • I have three more 8-hour days of this ahead of me. I like that I’m making money. I’m not so much loving that I’m working.
  • I have absolutely no idea how to go about starting the next dissertation chapter. Its content is a gigantic mystery to me right now.
  • I still haven’t heard a word of feedback from any of my committee members on any of the drafts I’ve sent. The (New)Advisor has received three chapter drafts; the other two committee members have gotten two. The longer I go without feedback, the more convinced I am that what I sent them was just crap. Really. I’m not even sure it’s remotely academically sound. I’m even starting to question my vocabulary skills. It’s depressing. And it makes me really not want to send the third chapter draft to them, or start working on the next one.
  • Yes, I’ve sent them several emails. At this point, I’m not even sure I really want the feedback.
  • I wish I thought I’d feel better after a nap, but I know the nap that I’ll take (three hours from now) will involve light, restless sleep, frequent waking, and a significant lack of anything like “rest”. I’ll give it a shot anyway, though.
  • I’m sure everything in my life doesn’t suck. It just kind of feels that way right now.
  • I am so totally not cut out for sleep deprivation. I have no idea how I’ll deal with the extended sleep deprivation of having the kid. Hopefully I’ll get a nap between now and June.
  • Last one: I’m sick. I’ve been sick for three days. I have a low fever, a sore throat, and swollen glands. And, in case it wasn’t clear, I’m feeling very, very sorry for myself.
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