Well, I’m not sure if it could be called “productive” at all, but I wrote *something* today. On Maggiemay’s advice (that I just write *something*), I wrote the acknowledgements for my dissertation.
I looked at the acknowledgements from a bunch of other dissertations in my department, for inspiration. And I learned a few things.
- I’ve made it through six years of this PhD program with virtually no academic friends. I have two, actually. My friend Margie (who isn’t blogging lately, sadly), who is actually in my field (and subfield) but at another school–we did our Masters’ together, and she was my only friend there. And my friend Super-Smart Israeli (let’s call her A., because I suck at pseudonyms lately), who has been my one friend in my department (and is, coincidentally, also pregnant and due two weeks before me). But that’s it. There’s one or two other people in my department who I greet warmly when I see them and who, I think, actually like me. But otherwise? Not so much. (Did I tell y’all about getting wildly and overtly snubbed by the members of my subfield at my school’s reception at the Big Damn Conference? No? Yeah. I got seriously cold-shouldered. Brrrr.) Which is okay, but I see all these other people thanking dozens of their colleagues in their acknowledgements, and I just don’t see that so much.
- I even have performance anxiety about writing my freaking acknowledgements. I have a problem.
- I really haven’t worked with many faculty at my school. I thanked my committee. For faculty, that’s about it.
- The easiest part, by far, was thanking friends and family for moral support. I could have gone on for pages.
- I got all choked up and teary when I wrote the two sentences thanking GB. Hormones? Yeah, I got ’em.*
Yeah, so, like I said. Not sure if that was productive. But it was something. Maybe tomorrow I’ll actually write something….?
*Speaking of hormones and weepiness: I’ve been listening lately (because I am pregnant, hormonal, depressed, and weepy) to the mix that GB made me for my birthday last year. It’s a sappy weeper, I’ll tell ya. But this one song, by Iron and Wine, “Naked As We Came“? Holy crap. “One of us will die inside these arms…” Goddamn. I can’t even listen to it. I am so sappy lately.