It’s about all I can manage. Forgive me. (And sorry, too, for being such a crappy blogfriend lately. I seem to have lost the ability to comment. I’m hoping it returns.)

  • So far, I think I’ve done no discernible work in 2008. I can’t get my head into this chapter, and the other chapters seem even more daunting. So I just keep shuffling my (tiny) outline around, and lethargically looking at sources and data without actually doing anything with them.
  • I haven’t heard a peep back from The Advisor about either of the two chapter drafts OR whether he’ll be writing recommendation letters for the fellowships for me. I need to email and prod him, but really, it’s just kind of disheartening.
  • Sitting here all day trying to work and randomly surfing the internet instead is getting very, very old.
  • I’ve been buying too much stuff on eBay. I really do understand that I don’t need to buy all the things we’ll need for the baby RIGHT NOW. I get that we still have nearly five months, and everything I buy right now will have to be stored. But I’m finding excellent prices on things we need on eBay, and I’m stressing about not having enough money to get everything we’ll need later, and I’m stressing–though I understand that this is lame–about not having a baby shower, and so I just keep buying random things. Many, many random things.
  • My mom is doing pretty much the exact same thing, including the shopping-online-for-the-baby-stuff. Packages arrive here almost every day from her–a couple baby hats, a box of my nephew’s outgrown stuff, random snacks. It’s nice–Mom knows I’m lonely and a little sad and is doing her best to cheer me up. My mom does rock.
  • This whole isolation thing is a gigantic pain in my ass. Most days, I work–uh, pretend to work–for awhile, then I go out for a walk somewhere—usually just downtown to get something to eat, or over to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner, though sometimes I go for long, aimless walks. I like long, aimless walks–I used to do a lot of these on the East Coast too–and I do enjoy my own company, for the most part. But I get a little tired of myself, too. Today is a gorgeous day outside–perfect weather, a little bit of a breeze, sunshine. And it’s making me feel much more miserable than the past few days of rain did. This weather makes me want to go do something with people whose company I enjoy–it makes me want to go for a walk with IB/DM, or go drink beer at the bar with the patio with Bad Idea, or go camping with Skycat and the Yogini, or drink afternoon martinis with Bad Idea….yeah. Inexplicably, this weather makes me miss Bad Idea terribly.
  • His birthday is this weekend. I’m debating whether to call him or not. I might, but it seems fairly pointless.
  • Holy crap, this is a depressing set of RBOC.
  • I’m really hoping the mail gets here soon.
  • That sounds sad.
  • Fucking hell. I’m not really sure how to improve my current situation. I heard GB tell his mom on the phone the other day that we were thinking about maybe moving back up to the Bay Area next year…mostly because I’m miserable. Moving would be good–I’m clearly not getting much out of this area, and I honestly don’t see a way to change that. But that’sĀ  a year off.
  • On a happier note, GB and I are watching a LOT of movies lately. As of this week he’s only working regular hours–no more overtime, for now–so we’re watching even more movies than before. And we were already hitting the DVDs pretty hard.
  • We just started Dexter, which is pretty good. I think Michael C. Hall is a fabulous choice for the creepy-wannabe-normal serial killer. Now that I think about it, his role on Six Feet Under totally had the seeds of this role in it. It’s also fun seeing Julie Benz in something besides Angel (though GB and I have a very hard time not saying “Darla!” in David Boreanaz’s awful Irish accent every time she’s on-screen).
  • We’re planning on starting The Wire after this. I know a lot of you love it, and we’ve never seen any of it. Thank gods for Netflix.
  • All right. I have to work. I have to do something that vaguely resembles work. Arrrrrgh. How do I get back into the working? If I’m going to have a full draft done by June, I need to write three–maybe four–more chapters in five months. I’m fairly certain, right now, that that’s just not possible.