Holy fucking crap, do I write slow.
All I need to do to get this chapter done–and be able to apply for the Very Much Needed fellowship for next year–is to write 1000 words a day for 10 days. That’s it.
That sounds So. Fucking. Easy.
So far today I’ve written 650 words and every one of them has been like pulling teeth. Literally. With the crying, even.
(Okay, the crying is not related to the writing, directly. The crying is 150% the fault of the hormones. Because, really, whether GB’s direct-deposited paycheck makes it into the bank today or tomorrow is not really that important, right? Or not nearly important enough to call GB up at work and cry dramatically into the phone about. Nope, I’m pretty sure that might have been a disproportionately strong response.)
(You know, I used to deal with funky emotions and mood swings by just self-medicating with alcohol. Today I looked at a picture of GB, the Squirrel, Jason, and Bad Idea taken in the Bumper Pool Basement and I started crying–surprise!–because, goddamn, every single bit of me wanted to be back there listening to Black Sabbath and drinking shots of tequila. Fucking hormones. Fucking sobriety.)
(I may have a new winner for the blog tag-line…)
Anyway. I keep letting myself get distracted, and then I feel crappy about it. I mean–the chapter is outlined. It’s ready to go. And I keep telling myself, you know, this draft really can’t be any worse than the shitty draft I sent to the Advisor, so just write it, already. And I am–I mean, progress is being made. But Oh. My. God. this is fucking grueling.
Sorry it’s all-whines-all-the-time here lately. Um….Here’s an interactive piece: what should we have for dinner? I am out of ideas, and weirdly, nothing sounds good (hey, thanks Second Trimester! Now I don’t know what I want to eat anymore). Here’s the criteria:
- no cooking that involves more than boiling water (i.e., theoretically pasta would be okay, but we’ve been eating a lot of pasta)
- delivery is a perfectly acceptable…I’m vaguely considering Chinese, though I don’t know if GB will go for that.
- comfort food is definitely in order
Ideas for my hormonally-challenged evening?