Seriously. Maybe I just can’t get back in the swing of actually working.
I’ve had the notes for this conference paper open on my computer for the past four days.
About 15 minutes ago I started typing. I wrote (freewrote, really) a few pages.
I feel like hurling, and not in a baby-related way. Dudes, it’s just crap. I don’t seem to have a single original thought. The whole freaking premise of this paper is obvious and lame.
And don’t even get me started on the dissertation. How long’s it been since I’ve touched that? Working on this paper is making me realize that I really don’t have enough data…that I probably could have done another year of fieldwork, easily. What I’ve got? Not so good. And what do I do with what I’ve got, anyway? It’s all so…random. And half-assed. And lame.
The conference is in a little over a month. I’ll see my advisor there, too, for the first time since May. And I will still have nothing for him, except a big crappy paper presentation.
I’m feeling some despair. I’m feeling convinced that I do not deserve a doctorate, which is okay, because I’m not going to get one, anyway.
And I need another fucking nap. Yes, really. Yes, I just got up from a (short) nap an hour ago, and ate (so! much!), and wrote a page of crap, and now I’m taking another nap.
I am not a happy camper. Whining helps, a little. But, damn, not much.