We went out last night for IB/DM’s birthday bonanza: bowling, drinking, and cupcakes, followed by more drinking.

(Happy birthday, IB/DM!)

I knew that I was having some financial issues, so the day before the birthday bonanza I transferred some money from my (mom-funded, and intended to help with the Impending Cross-Country Move) savings to checking, so I’d have enough cash to do a little birthday drinking.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when not one, but TWO differents ATMs informed that they considered my funds insufficient.

(You see that this is going nowhere good, right?)

Yeah. Got up today, checked my bank balance (after taking 1/2 a Klonopin–seriously good call there, Luckybuzz!), and learned that a purchase had been made on my card yesterday for $145 at a place called skinstore.com. Friends, I don’t have to tell you that I’ve never heard of this place, right? (Or that a random $145 out of my account would leave me overdrawn?)

So. The very, very nice CSR at skinstore.com had the information I needed. Apparently, “I” placed an online order for $145 for a purchase of…

Rodial Tummy Tuck: “a non-invasive alternative to liposuction and abdominoplasty.”

(I first heard this as “Rodeo Tummy Tuck,” when she said it on the phone, and I really prefer that–If I’m going to be the victim of identity theft, at least “I’m” buying cool-sounding products.)

But, friends, here’s the thing. The order was placed on my credit card, by someone who knew my name. It’s like this: my real, full name is Luck Y. Buzz, and that’s the name on my ATM/debit card. I don’t use my first name, so I go by Y. Buzz–and that’s the name on the credit card order. Though not the name of the person placing the order…which the CSR was kind enough to provide to me. So I know the name–and the email address–of the jackass who stole my card number and placed an order online for the freaking RODEO TUMMY TUCK.

Weirder yet, they had my correct billing address, but the shipping address was the same.  So the Rodeo Tummy Tuck? Being shipped TO ME.

OMGWTF??? I asked the CSR, “Do you think someone is trying to send me a message?” I was kidding, but she paused and said thoughtfully, “Maybe. That’s disgusting. You’re very calm…I’d be freaking out if I were you.”

(Hooray for the early-Klonopin decision!)

Anyway–by some stroke of luck the Rodeo Tummy  Tuck is out of stock (of *course* it is), so they were able to cancel the order. Which is good, because my bank’s response was something along the lines of “Oh…dude. Huh. We’ll send you a new card.” Which is So. Not. the reassuring way to deal with identity theft.

So, I have the name and email address of the Jackass Supreme who purchased the Rodeo Tummy Tuck with my own money and had it sent to me. Friends…what do I do with THAT information? Suggestions welcome.