• Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.
  • Notes for chapter one have hit 100+ pages. GB took me out for lunch last week and helped me figure out some good ways to go with this chapter, but then I come back, open it up, and…it’s just overwhelming. I’m thinking about starting a fresh document and just moving things over, because what I’ve got right now feels like that point when your house gets so disturbingly dirty that it seems like a better idea to light a match than to pick up a mop.
  • I stared at it for awhile, then remembered that I have an interview that needs to be transcribed–it’s from months ago, and it’s loooong, but I do need pieces of it for this chapter. Hooray! A productive distraction!
  • Seriously, how do I clean up this mess of a chapter? It’s an assortment of rough-draft-paragraphs, citations, quotes, reminders to myself (HEY, THE POINT OF THIS CHAPTER IS…), a chunk of an older paper that I thought I might want to include but now I think I don’t but I can’t make it go away, and this giant crazy outline of thoughts and plans. I just do not understand why I can’t make this be a chapter. From a distance, it doesn’t seem that hard. I sit down in front of it, and I feel like I’m drowning.
  • Clearly: because transcribing is a welcome relief right now. That’s sick.
  • I’m thinking that I might as well merge my “dissertation” and “neurotica” labels for this blog.
  • I’m starting Celexa again–actually, I took my first 1/2 dose last night. I saw the crazymeds nurse (Lucy: a different one, and I have to say I liked the old one better!) yesterday, and told her what’s been going on in my head (with the panic attacks, mostly), and she was like, oh my god, let’s get you back on Celexa, stat! (Okay, she might have only yelled “stat!” in my head.) Anyway. I’ve been a little worried about going back on it, but I think it’s for the good. Supportive comments to that effect are welcome.
  • Here’s a little Wednesday present for you: go watch this video of Richard Buckner from 1994. Oh my god, have you ever seen anything more adorable? He’s like a puppy. I’m totally submitting this to Cute Overload.