Damn, I’ve been wading around in my head so much lately that it feels like it’s been weeks since I’ve posted anything…though that’s probably not true. Some quick RBOC, just to feel like I haven’t completely disappeared:

  • In 30 minutes, it will be two years since I’ve had a cigarette. Quitnet tells me that’s 730 days (duh, quitnet), and that I’ve saved almost $2800. I’m not sure where that money is, but I’m proud of myself anyway.
  • I kind of want a cigarette right now, actually. But that’s mostly because I really want a drink, and I’m frustrated and tired and I have a Dangerous Mood brewing that I can’t do anything about, because I’m chained to the computer. And not in a good way.
  • I’ve been slaving over the syllabus for this tutorial, which really should not be as complicated as it is. Must. Finish. Tomorrow. Partly because I’m meeting with the student on Friday, but mostly because I cannot work on this thing for one more day. After tomorrow, I mean.
  • Met today with the prof I’ll be TFing with–looks like I’m going to have a few sections after all, which is a relief, from the financial side. Also, it’s a course I’ve really been looking forward to working on–it’s directly related to my dissertation, but to the weird freaky side that I never get to talk about. I’m actually really psyched about this–the prof is awesome and the course should be actual *fun*. I’ll keep y’all posted.
  • The awesome prof who’s teaching this course is on my dissertation committee–he’s in another department, but (obviously, considering this course) his work overlaps mine a bit. I told him the news about The Advisor leaving, and how I just found out that my Second Committee Member actually can’t be my chair, and how it looks like Stinky Cheese Guy is actually going to take over (which, yeah. How about *that*?). He offered to do whatever he can to help–I’m not sure how much he can do, from Different Department, but I’m looking into it. It’s nice to have one friendly ally on my committee, even if he can’t actually *do* much.
  • I have an appointment tomorrow with my primary care doctor. I’m seeking reassurance that the increasingly uncomfortable and increasingly frequent panic attacks are not signs of some *real* (physical) issue–basically, I want her to tell me it really is all in my head, and I’m not about to have a heart attack. I’m also suspicious that my thyroid medicine might be (suddenly) too high, and could be causing a lot of the panic/anxiety symptoms. I’m kind of hoping that’s what’s going on, because it seems like the easiest thing to fix.
  • In a way, though, I’ll be a little sorry if that’s the problem, because it’s probably also what’s contributing to my kind-of-too-easy weight loss lately. Well, I mean, that and the fact that I’m still a Weight Watchers zealot, and still going to the gym a lot (though my motivation lately is nonexistent. I think it might be napping).
  • I realized today that I don’t have any work clothes that fit me, since I haven’t had to wear any this semester. So I swung by the Gap Outlet (because I am poor and desperate) and got a decent pair of pants that I will can possibly wear all freaking semester, if need be. They’re a solid three sizes smaller than what I was wearing in September. I am way happier about that than I should be, and I’m annoyed at that, because I know it’s just another manifestation of the Stupid Fucking Issue. But I’m happy about it anyway. Shame and glee: now *that’s* a dynamic duo.
  • I think I need to step away from the screen.