*Random Bullets of Things That Made Me Go “Fuuuuuuck” Only Minutes After Waking Up

  • I kind of had a feeling that taking out loans this semester–all of which were delivered to me in one lump sum in September–was probably not my best bet. This is turning out to be true, as I now have two more months before I get any new income, and I will run out of money in the next three weeks.
  • I expected to be freaking out about how to pay January’s rent. I didn’t realize I’d have December’s rent (or the inability to pay it) to practice with.
  • I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned just how *much* I suck with the handling of money, but I really can’t hide that any longer.
  • I’m being sued in small claims court by a credit card company at the end of this month. This in itself is disturbing (especially because I read all this yesterday and now I am seriously not happy), but more disturbing is the realization that the (many) other creditors I owe are sure to follow on this.
  • Yes, the many unpaid and defaulted credit card bills are my responsibility, and I am incredibly bad with money. I know all that. That’s all true, though not especially helpful right now.
  • Bankruptcy is seeming like a viable option.
  • The anxiety, nausea, guilt, and fear associated with this set of bullets is making it extremely difficult to concentrate on typing up More. Freaking. Fieldnotes.
  • I seriously just want to go back to bed.