I know that I didn’t jump on the whole celebrity lookalike thing back when other people were doing it (and I can’t really even remember who did it then), but I’m feeling like I have to address this issue now. Mostly because the majority of you don’t know crse in real life, and I’m feeling the need to attest to her not really resembling Stan Lee *or* Quincy Jones. In solidarity, I thought I’d give it a shot, though this thing has historically given me bizarre results.

But not as bizarre as this time around, when I apparently have no female celeb lookalikes whatsoever:

See? And the thing is, first, I don’t even know who half these people are. And second, telling me I look like Matthew Perry? Them’s fightin’ words. Also, I’m disturbed by the news-to-me that I actually might kind of resemble James Spader. Ick.

So I had to try again, of course.

Dudes. That is freaking RON HOWARD in that last picture. And while I think Barack Obama is a handsome man, he’s not what I see when I look in the mirror.

Third try’s a charm. I swear I’m picking what I think are my most flattering photos.

    Okay, we have some women here but seriously–not in my wildest dreams do I look like Alyson Hannigan, and Uma Thurman? That’s just someone’s idea of a joke. (Florence Nightingale, eh, maybe.) And even if either of those were remotely accurate, there’s no way they can offset the damage caused by the knowledge that I look like Ralph Nader and Woody Allen.

    So what have we learned here?

  1. We’ve discovered the reason that straight girls constantly hit on me.
  2. We now understand why gay men want to make out with me in bars.
  3. It’s become clear that I pretty much only have one standard expression/pose in photos.
  4. Most importantly, we’ve learned that myheritage.com? Not the most accurate scientific instrument.

….OR IS IT? Someone please tell me I don’t look like Matthew Perry.