I have a meeting with The Advisor in an hour. It should be a fairly low-key meeting–mostly just to talk about the revised chapter outline, including the new-ish chapter that draws pretty directly on The Advisor’s work. That part is okay…not too much dread about that.

The part that’s a little more dread-worthy: talking about how my fieldwork is going, including the new survey/questionnaire thing that I thought of, created, and implemented since the last time I talked to him. This part has me worried, and I’m hoping that I can get The Advisor to do most of the talking, since I’m more interested in his suggestions than I am in telling him how much progress I’m (not) making.

The part that I am more than a little concerned about, though, is that I think this will be the day that I finally talk to The Advisor about his plans to leave. I know I’ve talked about this before here, and everyone tells me not to worry, and I appreciate that. I did send him an email about it–which was the first time the subject had come up between us–saying that I’d heard that he was considering leaving, and that I hoped things would work out so that he’d decide to stay.

Okay. Now. I know that academics in general are socially awkward,* but his response was so totally less than reassuring. Did he say, Don’t worry, Luckybuzz, even if I leave I’ll stay on as your chair/a committee member/an outside reader? Did he say, Ridiculous, what was I thinking, of course I’m not leaving? No. Here’s what he said:

“I have to say that one of the great sorrows about leaving now would be not to see your great project develop to its conclusion.”

How in holy hell is that supposed to make me feel better? Do you see why I’m a little anxious and stressed about this upcoming conversation with him?

Yes, I’ll keep you posted. Send good thoughts that I don’t cry in his office.

*Yes, we are. I don’t necessarily mean you, but you know, if the shoe fits……..But the people in my department, and in my field, seem to share a certain propensity for social awkwardness.