(Warning: this whine makes me sound lame and a little pathetic. I apologize in advance.)

One thing has become abundantly clear to me, as the wedding photos start to come in from everyone’s cameras…I’m not feeling so good about the weight I’m at now.

My life rocks. I’m totally aware of that. But I also have this lifelong eating disorder/body image crap going on, and the hypothyroidism is getting worse, apparently, and the new dosage of thyroid meds hasn’t really kicked in yet. And my miles and miles of walking does nothing, apparently, and aside from that I’m lazy as hell. And I can talk until I’m blue about how I *know* it doesn’t matter, and I *know* that my worth as a human being has nothing to do with my weight.

But I can’t convince myself that I believe that. And I’m horribly embarrassed and chagrined that I can’t get past this.

I’ve tried the South Beach Diet a couple times, and it seems to work pretty well–I feel good when I’m on it, and it’s very close to an optimum diet for thyroid problems. But I’m not sure I’m ready to do the whole “no drinking for two weeks” thing with it. Does anyone have any experience with doing South Beach without quitting drinking? Is it worth doing the food part and still drinking–red wine, say–for those first two weeks?

Sorry, friends. I know this is a stupid whine, and usually I don’t tell you all how painful this particular issue is for me. But tonight I’ve had a bit of wine, and I’m feeling a little down about how much this issue is fucking with my self esteem, and my sex drive, and my socializing. And I’m not sure what I want to hear. And I don’t know why I feel like I want to say this here, now. Whatever. It just builds up, and then I need to let it out a little. Feel free to move on.