I mean the nicotine addiction.

Because really. It’s been almost 14 months since I’ve had a cigarette–or even a hit of a cigarette.

I have *not* smoked through my comps, and through my family’s first reunion in 7 years (let’s hear it for another 7!), through way-too-extended visits with the family, through too much teaching and not enough money, through writing and rewriting my prospectus, through eating disorder bullshit and happy drunken barbecues and bumper pool and tequila-soaked nights with friends I love (or would like to).

So why–sitting here on the couch, fucking around on the laptop, watching X Files and drinking a glass of wine (eg, my usual pre-bed activities)–why am I totally craving a smoke right now? I mean craving one with that first-72-hours-off-nicotine kind of craving.

What the hell is up with that?

Thankfully, no one in my household smokes, so I’m in no real danger here. And tomorrow I’ll wake up and I won’t want a cigarette. But it amazes me how it sneaks up.