So as y’all know, I’ve been having lots and lots of anxiety lately–of the “freaking out because a stranger made eye contact with me” sort.

In an hour and a half I’m off to present v. 2.0 of the prospectus to one of my workshops. This workshop–while not as overtly hostile as the other one (the one I’ll be presenting at next month)–still tends to get pretty snarky with the comments, when they’re not just sitting there looking bored.

Yet I’m only a bit anxious. Maybe a 3, on the Luckybuzz-is-a-freak scale.

I actually should be more anxious than I am. I have no notes with which to “present,” exactly. I’m kind of assuming that I wrote the prospectus, they read the prospectus, and they should probably do most of the talking. That assumption may very well bite me in the ass two hours from now, but for now I’m sticking with it.

See, this is something that consistently bothers me about the workshops and colloquia I participate in. Someone writes a paper, a few comments are made about content (generally of the “you forgot to cite so-and-so” variety), and then the rest of the time seems to consist of the writer literally defending their piece to the rest of the colloquium.

I just can’t play that game. I appreciate people pointing out theories/theorists/resources I’ve overlooked. I’m not saying I take criticism–even “constructive” criticism–well, but I just don’t get the point of getting defensive about a project in a workshop. My committee wants to know why I did it one way, I’ll defend my decisions (if appropriate). But I just don’t think I have the energy to worry about what a somewhat random collection of faculty and students think about sentence four on page 17.

Does this mean I’m doomed? Discuss.

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