I just had the calmest breakup ever, with the Wrangler, on the phone.

I’m sad. But relieved. I think he is too.

Did I tell you that the Wrangler has been dating Blanche (Gospel Bob’s recent ex) since New Year’s?*

Do you get why I don’t watch soap operas?

I can’t believe I don’t smoke anymore. I remember cigarettes being great for those times when I just don’t know how to feel, and that would be just right, just now.

*Just to clarify, this isn’t why we broke up, of course; the Wrangler and Blanche dating is weird, but fine. But it did give him–and me–a good enough reason to go ahead and have The Talk.