But you know, 2006 is not really working out so far.

Last night I fell asleep relatively early (for me–before 1 am) in hopes that I’d get up early today and actually get some work done. Had another crappy night of sleep, though; apparently I’m snoring a lot, so I kept waking GB up, who then had to wake me up to tell me I was snoring. Plus, I’ve been having nothing but bad anxiety dreams for weeks now. Plus, GB’s broken hand was bothering him, so we just pretty much just tossed and turned and snarled at each other for hours, until about 6:30 am when GB got up to go sleep in the other room, at which point I woke up fully (and mad as hell) and decided to just get up and start working, already.

Not the best start to a morning.

So I got up, fed the cats, made some coffee, and sat down with the prospectus. Wrote a couple sentences. Go me! Wrote another sentence or two. Got distracted and decided to have “breakfast” (since everything I’m eating on South Beach is only kind of “food”). Read blogs. Read more blogs. Clicked “reload” on the order status page. (Where the hell is my tracking number? Come on, it’s been five days!)

Decided to take a tiny, tiny nap. Which turned into a not-so-tiny nap that was completely plagued by awful anxiety dreams: missed flights; about-to-be-taken flights on tiny, tiny aircraft; crying fights with GB; not being able to sleep *in my freakin’ dream*; having people harrass me about the state of my prospectus (again: *in my freakin’ dream”).

So now I’m up. Grumpy. Drinking cold coffee and staring at the prospectus again, realizing that maybe, just maybe, I’m not as far along in the writing process as I thought I was, and my “extended” deadline (to next month) just might not cut it.

Okay. As the Rolling Stones said: “I can’t go on like this, can ya? Can ya?

Here’s what I should will do today:

  • Put on It’s Only Rock ‘n Roll, since that little bit I just got in my head sounded mighty nice.
  • Take MaggieMay‘s advice and stop saying I’m going to “work on my prospectus”; rather, I’m going to sit down right now and try to organize the methodology section.
    • Maybe. This is great advice, but I might still be too panicky to even do this.
    • Regardless, I will work on a smaller piece.
  • Pick up the second-to-last set of papers to be graded this afternoon. Do not look at these papers yet.
  • Arrange appointment for third Hep vaccine, and check on why my immunization records didn’t make it to the registrar.

Will this help? Will I stop having anxiety nightmares soon? Will I ever, ever actually just chill the fuck out and enjoy my life again?

(Is this all because I’m not drinking?)

Jeebus. This sucks. Don’t take me off your Bloglines yet, please; I’ll pull it together and eventually write *something* interesting here. I hope.

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