December 2005


Feels like it’s probably time for a wrap-up of sorts, what with the new year being not-so-far away. In general, I love New Year’s Eve; I’d have to say, in fact, that some of the best times in my life have been NYEs (three especially memorable ones stand out…hmmm, maybe I’ll talk about them another time). I love making lists; I love putting an end to the old year through all sorts of fun and improvised rituals; I love burning things (always a crucial part of a good NYE celebration); and, well, I love drinking.

Today, though, I’m not so much feeling it. I’m just…blah. Recovering from the trip, sure; but generally just as lethargic as I’ve ever been.

Maybe a little list will help. How about this one, always a favorite of mine and a necessary precursor to the resolutions:

2005 Accomplishments
  • I quit smoking (it’ll be 1 year on Jan. 18; this one alone should be enough, really)
  • had 2 year anniversary with the Wrangler
  • had 9 year anniversary with Gospel Bob
  • passed general exams
  • lived through family reunion (first in 7 years) and maintained humor and goodwill (mostly) throughout
  • had Hugely Radical and Life-Changing Haircut
  • turned 34

Huh. This isn’t helping. Seems like there really should be more of these…

I’ll try this again later. In the meantime…what’s your favorite (not necessarily your “biggest”) accomplishment of 2005?

…is such an incredibly great place to be.

Just got in. Tired…nine+ hours of traveling…and the cold I’ve been fighting off for weeks hit me about two hours into the flight, and I’ve been sneezing for about five hours now.

Totally traumatic holiday overall.

So. Freakin’. Glad. To be home.

More coherence soon, hopefully.

You know what? I used to be a total badass. Strangers in bars avoided me. Children were fascinated and terrified by my mere presence. I used to have a glower and a swagger and when I was a senior in high school I was voted “scariest” by all the underclasses. For real.

I’m older now. I’m calmer. I’m happier with my life, overall. I can still pull off a Keith Richards stagger swagger, but I feel less compelled to. And I’ve decided that scaring children, while fun, is not necessarily my shining talent.

And so now, when I’m sitting here at Gospel Bob’s listening to his dad conduct yet another scam “business” on the phone all morning and being totally overwhelmed by family shit, depression, self-disgust, procrastination, and inertia, I think to myself…

Maybe a visit to Cute Overload would help.

And when this is the first post I see…

it totally does.

Yes, I do find that disturbing. But you just have to go with what works.

Well, it’s actually not the same shit; since I’m dealing with GB’s family now, not my own blood relations, I try to be a little more patient.

(That’s weird, isn’t it? But you know you know what I mean.)

But family issues still abound. Though the landscape here is much prettier, and random strangers in this part of the country don’t offer to pray for (or about) me, and I actually had really good Mexican food last night. So those are improvements.

And I have a lot of blogging to catch up on, eventually. But for now I’m just popping in to say I’m still around; I’ve switched coasts; and wouldn’t it be awesome if I got so frustrated with family dynamics that I just sat down and wrote my prospectus today?

What i woke up to: mom’s dog slept with me. It helped.

…despite my grumpy-ass mood tonight…

Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas, y’all.

War is over if you want it.

This holiday thing is really not working out for me. I have to make a list to soothe myself.

  • Mom and I have stopped yelling at each other today and have moved into awkward, not-talking-much, realizing-we’re-going-to-regret-all-this-arguing mode. It’s actually not better–it’s much sadder overall.
  • Gospel Bob’s grandma has been in the hospital for a couple days–she came home yesterday, but was rushed back to the hospital last night.
  • GB called last night to tell me all this, and to add that he broke his hand. And that he can’t wait for me to get there.
  • The Wrangler keeps calling me, all drunk and sappy, missing me and sorry that he’s spending Christmas mostly-alone. I can’t help, comfort, or sympathize with him. The only holiday spirit I’ve got right now is the little bit that’s working its way through my liver.

I’m trying to pick my mood up. Here are some better things:

  • My awesome older sister got me a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate, so I just did a little online retail therapy, which helped.
  • My brother-in-law’s only redeeming characteristic is that he drinks lots and lots of wine when I’m here, so he’s keeping my glass filled. That helps too.
  • The uneasy truce with mom is better than fighting with her.
  • I got the wireless connection working on my laptop here at my sister’s, and Sky High, which the family is watching, isn’t quite as awful as I’d feared it would be. It’s not nearly the stink-fest that last night’s Fantastic Four viewing was, at least.
  • The wine is kicking in and I’m starting to get a little drunk. Yay! There’s hope for this holiday yet!

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