How can I already be behind in finding gainful teaching-assistant/lackey employment for next semester? How is it possible that I am (still) grading the first set of papers for this semester, and being forced to pause in my grading (ahem. right.) to send out suck-up emails about FEBRUARY FOR GOD’S SAKE already?

How is it possible, for that matter, that I am still grading said first set of papers?

How will I conceivably finish grading this (still far too large) stack in time to read and prepare intelligent comments on the paper I’m responsible for in my colloquium tomorrow?

How is it possible that they can map the human genome, but cannot produce a mug warmer that can actually warm my coffee without burning the bottom while the top freezes?

How do people juggle teaching, writing and researching for one’s own work (the diss, or in my case–because I CANNOT CATCH UP–the prospectus), relationships and their constant drama, answering emails and voicemails within a month of receiving them, and life in general (including, but not limited to, cat-pee-soaked couches, cats that clearly need a vet visit and some Valium, laundry, cupboards empty of everything except–literally–2 cans of mixed vegetables and 4 packs of Ramen, the tyranny of entropy and dust and dishes in the sink, and the difficulty of just staying awake sometimes)? I was going to say “without going insane”, but really, I’m just wondering how to manage it all. Sanity is optional.

I think that the scream that is underlying this post is at a pitch so high that human ears can’t detect it. So don’t worry if this makes no sense at all.