Good news: I’m not *just* a lush. My “hangover” from yesterday is persisting into today, so this has not simply been a case of not being able to hold my wine now that I’m getting O-L-D.

Bad news: See above. I’m sick. Lots of–um–divesting of stomach contents yesterday. Went to bed early, woke up still nauseous and with stomach cramps. And with a black tongue. Naturally the hypochondriac in me (aka “me”) immediately starts with the “ohmygod you’re dying! You’re bleeding from the esophagus! Or the stomach! Or the spleen! AAAAAAGH!” But no. It brushed off, and a quick Google search informed me that chewing Pepto Bismol tablets + mouthwash = black tongue in the morning. Whoda thought?

Ug. Ug. My stomach hurts. Ow. Must nap.

These aren’t symptoms of bird flu, are they? How about anthrax? Plague? Scabies? Gout? Or just a good-old-fashioned stomach virus….