polyopia

No, not that! (Well, yes, that too. But also!)

This is cracking me up. I can’t stop watching it. “The funniest 5-second internet video“? Oh no. The funniest 5 second video EVER.

CRAP! I can’t get it to embed! Dammit! Seriously,  go watch it, it’s 5 seconds…(unless you’re me and you can’t stop watching it, in which case it’ll be longer.)

Sitting in the back yard at Jason’s barbecue last night, I said the phrase “moat of blood”*, and GB looked at me with what can only be described as a gaze of pure adoration.**

*I was trying to come up with a way to keep the mosquitoes  out of the yard. I was in a funny mood. Other phrases I uttered last night included “sack of blood” and “coyote head on a stick.”

**When I pointed this out to him he said, You’re totally blogging this, aren’t you? Yep, buddy, I am.

Are you freaking kidding me? What’s a girl gotta do to get an R rating?
(Well, if Ms. Trix didn’t get one either, I feel a little better about it. But still! I need to spice things up a little!)

• We’re not leaving here, now, until the end of July. Which feels like a really great idea; I wasn’t ready to be out of here quite that soon.
• That gives me almost three more weeks to hang out here in the bittersweet limbo of the About-to-Move.
• And three more weeks for things with Bad Idea to come to some kind of…resolution? Ha!
• We–Bad Idea and I–have a plan. It involves a lobster and oyster dinner. I’ve never had any kind of seafood besides, you know, canned tuna. Bad Idea has offered to teach me all about good seafood before I leave here.
• Bad Idea has also suggested that lobster dinners frequently lead to nakedness.
• I’m down with that.
• But.
• (that was the one about how Other Things that I can’t talk about might lead to a bit of a complication around that planned dinner)
• (see why I haven’t been blogging lately? who can blog with this many things that can’t be said?)
• (the things I’m not blogging are good things, potentially, but are extremely anxiety-provoking, as well…but they’re not BAD unbloggable things)
• Right. Anyway. The Bay Area is still the plan, but I don’t know how soon we can get there. GB really needs to get some kind of job right quick.
• Because I am not so down with living with his parents and grandparents indefinitely.
• I’ve been starting to sell off some of the decent furniture, so the place is starting to clear out a little. Which is nice.
• We haven’t really packed much of anything, though.
• I’ll have plenty of packing time while GB is off on the West Coast for a week next month taking the Bar.
• Oh yeah, that’s an update: GB is flying out to take the Bar, then flying back, THEN we’re driving the cats across the country. That’s why we have more time here.
• My big (older, that is) sister is coming to visit! Finally! For four days! And she gets here on THURSDAY!!!! OMGPONIESSS!!!111!! I miss the hell outta her and I haven’t seen her in a freaking YEAR (since the wedding, actually) and I am actually giddy with excitement about her visiting. Seriously. I’m, like, 12 years old right now, and planning how I’m going to get her to stay up all night talking and drinking Bailey’s Irish Cream on the rocks with me.

The “Bad Idea is making it really hard to leave here” Edition.*

1. Gauzy Dress in the Sun – Richard Buckner
2. I Don’t Think So – Dinosaur Jr.
3. Get Me (acoustic) – Dinosaur Jr.
4. Give Me Love – George Harrison
5. Uncle John’s Band – Grateful Dead
6. Star Star – Rolling Stones (funny, because I just recently played this for Bad Idea, who had somehow never heard it)
7. Little Triggers – Elvis Costello
8. Fell In Love with a Girl – White Stripes
9. Carry That Weight – Beatles
10. C-C-C-Cinnamon Lips – OK Go

*I want to say more about this, and about my last (too-ambiguous) post about this stuff….but I haven’t felt much like actually talking about it. Let’s just say, for now, that I’m enjoying Bad Idea’s company, and it’s clear that’s mutual, and The Crush continues. Maybe more to follow…I’m just emotional about the Moving Again today. And this was a PERFECT random 10 for it.

I am So. Freaking. Restless. today.

OCD is no fun at all when it doesn’t inspire you to DO anything about the things you’re obsessing about (or when you literally can’t take any action on them). Then it’s just obsessing with no resolution. In my world, that usually takes the form of relentless internet surfing to research/immerse myself in Whatever It Is, leaving me frustrated and overwhelmed. (Kind of like this.)

That’s where I’m at right now, with most of the freaking-out-crap.

The only major thing I’m freaking out about that I can actually DO something about is the dissertation. I’m trying to make myself get through the rest of the library books I have here, but I have about a 25-second attention span right now.

That’s all. Just thought I’d share. Suggestions? (Four martinis seems like a good idea, but I’m trying to find nonalcoholic solutions right this minute….)

Just reading blogs through my hangover-stupor this morning (seriously, I cannot do hangovers like I used to, and I’m seriously thinking about just not putting myself in hangover-inducing-situations anymore), and randomly wondering: what kinds of things are in your “unbloggable” category? You know–things you might allude to on your blog, but for whatever reason you feel like the blog is off-limits for discussing it?

I think I have a few things that fit in that category:

• Things that are susceptible to the jinx-factor–i.e., things I want to happen, but worry that blogging (or talking) about them will jinx them. In this case, I’m generally not blogging or discussing in Real Life (or only with certain people).
• specifics about my work/school, obviously, but also specifics about my relationships with my committee–I allude to difficulties and things, but I do worry that if one of them were to discover this space, they would recognize our conversations and interactions.

Hmm….can’t think of other kinds of unbloggables. You?

Well, I was considering just never blogging again, but then Gretty tagged me for a meme. Now, I’ve never been one to turn down a meme. More importantly, though, I’ve recently decided that it is just completely freaking WRONG that Gret and I are not better friends (in RL), and I aim to change that (sorry to spring it on you this way, Gret, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I’ve decided we ARE going to become actual friends. You’re just going to have to deal with it). So, all right, here’s the 8 random things meme.

I warn you, though, that I can’t play by the rules. I haven’t been blogging because I am totally OMFGWTFBBQLOLCATZ freaking out (as the kids say. They don’t? Crap.) and that’s all I can focus on.

So here ya go: 8 random things that are causing me giant honking mountains of anxiety right now:

1. We move across the freaking country, with four cats in tow, in less than a month. Trying to count the days makes me hyperventilate, so that’s all I’ve got.
2. I am starting to get very sad about leaving a few awesome people here. I have plans to have a seafood dinner with Bad Idea before I go, but despite my downright-embarrassing cajoling and promises to give him a note from my husband saying it’s okay, I don’t think he’s going to sleep with me.
3. We have nowhere to actually live in California until GB gets a job, so we have agreed–under duress–to stay with his parents/grandparents for OMG I SWEAR TO ALL THAT’S HOLY no more than two weeks.
4. In a radical change of plans (the kind for which we are famous), we might actually, maybe, possibly, [jinx-gods, stop listening!] try to move back to the Bay Area. [/jinx-gods] Which makes me so happy that I tear up a little bit every time I think about that as a real possibility.
5. I met with the Advisor and the other committee member yesterday, and both gave me great advice about restructuring the dissertation. However, the Advisor’s good advice was followed by, “Now go write the next chapter.” Which would be freaking awesome, if it wasn’t for the whole selling all our furniture/packing what little is left/trying to find GB a job while he studies for the Bar/general freaking out business, which does kind of distract me from the writing right now.
6. There is A Plan in the works that I can’t tell you about. It’s awesome and terrifying and DO NOT even try to guess. I’m serious. Just ignore #6.
7. Walt–the little cat–is still sicker with his chronic illness than he should be. This wreaks havoc on the whole house and makes me and GB both sick-with-worry.
8. Moving. Dissertation. Cats. Other Crazy Plans. No income. Impending homelessness. Bad Idea’s bizarre moral code. Missing people already. Fear of the unknown. Zombies. Uh, I forget what 8 was for.

Holy crap. That was the lamest hour of TV I’ve watched in a while…Hmm. Possibly ever. And I’ve watched some bad TV.

I don’t care if they’re trying to make some vague point about sociopaths, paranoia, whiny bitch-ass grown children needing to be smacked, or the tastiness of onion rings (though that last one is, at least, interesting).

That was completely fucking lame.

I think I need to watch every episode of Six Feet Under again, immediately.

Boy Who is scared to sleep with me: 1

Me (Trying to sleep with boy): 0