polyopia

You know the red light in the bumper pool basement? The one that creates all the ambiance and makes all the photos look all cool like this?:

Well, Jason and the Squirrel came over tonight for the very last night of bumper pool in the basement–Jason will be taking the bumper pool table when we move on Sunday, but this’ll be it for the Bumper Pool Basement. So tonight the Squirrel turned on the basement light, went downstairs, and…the red light bulb had exploded.

It wasn’t dramatic–he just wondered why the light hadn’t gone on, turned on the other light, and realized that the bottom of the light bulb was in shards all over the basement floor.

That red bulb was in my last apartment, where it was used occasionally for after hours parties. We brought it to this apartment, and it’s been in the basement for the past two years–has been through countless basement parties, has been left on for days at a time when we forgot to turn it off and then decided to just do the laundry in the funky lighting. And it burst TWO NIGHTS before we move out.

That’s weird. And kind of cool.

What I’ve done in the past five hours:

• Listed a bunch of stuff we’re getting rid of in the “free” section on Craigslist.
• Immediately (really–like, within about 10 minutes of posting the ad) fielded 15+ emails from people who wanted the free foosball table, 3 about the coffee table, and one for the ironing board.
• Spent 50 minutes driving 5.5 miles. “Driving” is an overstatement. I was sitting perfectly still in the car, surrounded by construction and other cars, for the vast majority of that time.
• Met the realtor and got the signed lease and the apartment keys (WHOOOHOO!)
• Checked mail at the new apartment; was overjoyed to find the letter confirming my car registration address change, without which I cannot get a resident permit parking sticker for my new neighborhood, without which I cannot park my car. Was less overjoyed to find a letter from the cable company saying, “As we discussed, you need to pay a deposit before we can install your service….” No one has discussed this with me, so I spent 20 minutes sitting in my car (hooray for a/c) on hold, waiting for someone to discuss this with me and take my credit card payment.
• Had the brilliant absolutely fucking insane idea to *drive* into downtown City to deal with the parking permit at City Hall. I knew better. And I did it anyway.
• Got utterly confused in a parking garage, causing a parking attendent to get a little snippy with me (“did you not see the parking space over there?” –did he mean the space large enough for a small shopping cart? No, I didn’t see that as a valid parking option–well, not at first. After another 10 minutes or so, it worked just fine.)
• Stood in line at City Hall for 15 minutes (not bad, really)
• Attempted to drive home from downtown City with only my innate navigational skills to guide me. I think we can all guess how that went. Suffice it to say it took another hour.

But I’m home, and I got the parking permit and the apartment keys, and I have people coming to get some of our free crap in a couple hours. And I have so earned myself a nap. Or a drink. Why do all of my friends work normal hours? Who will drink with me RIGHT NOW?

Fine. A nap, then. And I may have also earned the right to sit on the couch and drink tonight while GB finishes packing, don’t you think?

Apparently this has been making the rounds, at least in some circles, but I found it here. I’m not sure if there’s bumper pool happening tonight, or just More Exhausting Packing, but a meme seems like a decent idea right now. This one might be long enough to make me grumpy…hard to say at this point though.

GRUB-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice?

Ranch. I like other dressings okay–I’m newly a fan of the Newman Asian-Sesame–but nothing is as universally awesome as ranch. What *isn’t* it good on?

What is your favorite fast food restaurant?

I have a sad, secret weakness for Taco Bell.

What is your favorite sit down restaurant?

A bunch of local ones that we go to over and over…as far as chain restaurants, I like Chili’s. They’re *way* too salty (even for me), but those black bean burgers are freaking awesome.

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?

20%–sometimes more, depending on the size of the bill.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?

Pasta, with just about anything on it. I could do just butter and parmesan cheese for 2 weeks straight (and I have). Actually, I tend to eat the same food over and over for weeks before switching to something else–I’m sure that’s just another manifestation of the OCD, but it works for me.

Name three foods you detest above all others.

Well, I don’t eat mammals, so anything connected to mammal-eating grosses me out. For me, I mean; I have no problem with other people eating whatever the hell they want, and I’ll even throw my veggie burgers on the grill with their mammal-burgers. I just don’t want to eat them.

What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?

Tofu and broccoli. I’m way too tempted by crab rangoon, too; I just have to eat it fast and not think about it.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?

Veggies of any kind (see above)–I like lots of toppings on my pizza. Ricotta and pineapple is an old favorite of mine. I also like banana peppers with anything else.

What do you like to put on your toast?

I really don’t think I eat toast.

What is your favorite type of gum?

Not so much a gum chewer.

TECH-OLOGY

Number of contacts in your cell phone?

70.

Number of contacts in your email address book?

135 in my gmail contact list. But the Squirrel is in there, even though he doesn’t have email, and some school people aren’t, so it’s hard to say. Also, boring.

What is your wallpaper on your computer?

One of the XP standard ones–the one that looks like you’re underwater and looking up through the surface. It’s called–oh, “ocean.” Duh.

What is your screensaver on your computer?

The slideshow from My Pictures.

Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?

There are, in fact, and they come up randomly (and much to my amusement) when my screensaver is on. I have to remember to change my screensaver when my mom is around, or when I take it to school.

How many land line phones do you have in your house?

None–haven’t had one in 4 years.

How many televisions are in your house?

2, plus I have a TV tuner to watch TV on my laptop, but I never use it.

What kitchen appliance do you use the least?

All of them. Well, that’s not true; I need the oven and the microwave to heat up all the frozen stuff we eat. I don’t use the blender often enough.

What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?

Lately I’ve been listening to one of those “we play everything” stations when I’m in the car.

How many sex toys do you own that require batteries?

Um…three? I’m not sure. I’ve been neglecting them. Not for any better reason, just out of general neglect…

BI-OLOGY

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?

Tough question–lately, this question is almost impossible for me to answer. I usually say my hair, but not so much lately. And I used to have the Original Magic Ass, but not so much anymore. Hmm. You tell me. I’d appreciate it.

Are you right handed or left handed?

Right, totally. Can’t do anything with my left hand. Oh, wait, not true; I can actually throw a perfect spiral pass with a football with my left hand. But not my right. And totally by accident.

Do you like your smile?

Yeah, though I wish I showed less gum.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

Tonsils and adenoids. And a fake pearl that went up my nose when I was four. I sniffed it because I was convinced–I remember this vividly–that it would smell like lavender. It didn’t.

Would you like to?

Oooh, a proposition! Oh, wait….never mind. I see. Uh, I think I’m okay with keeping everything that’s in my body right now. Except the uterus. I’d give up the uterus.

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?

Yep. Catalogs and collections of the Onion.

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?

Smell, definitely. It’s my only really good sense, and it borders on the bionic.

When was the last time you had a cavity?

Um…about 15 years, I think.

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?

My mood. Ha.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

Nope.

MISC-OLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

I really, really, really would. I think that it would instantly cure my panic attacks (knowing that this is NOT, actually, the Thing That Will Kill Me). And I’d worry much, much less. And Big Fish is one of my favorite movies ever.

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?

I’m actually planning on doing this, as soon as I get motivated to take care of all the details. Right now I go by a variation of my middle name. I used my first name until I was about 21, then switched to my middle name. But I really hate my first name, and I hate that I still have to use it on official documents, so it needs to go. I think I’m just going to drop it. Though I wonder if I should change my middle name to my first name and pick a new middle name? Okay. This has gotten complicated. Moving on….

How do you express your artistic side?

Various random ways. Still trying to learn to play the banjo. Made an amazing (if I do say so) set of rock & roll Tarot cards a few years ago. Changing the blog template regularly. Those kinds of things.

What color do you think you look best in?

All I wear is black, so it’s hard to say. Actually, I think I look good in red, but I need to get back some confidence to wear it.

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?

I can’t imagine. Even the question freaks me out.

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?

No, but I did sniff a pearl. See above.

If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?

I don’t think so…but I might make a pass at one of GB’s cousins.

How often do you go to church?

I’ve been to 2 church services in my life that weren’t lifecycle rituals or for other non-churchy reasons, and both of those were accompanying my mom to her church on Christmas Eve, as an adult, just to be nice.

Have you ever saved someone’s life?

I don’t think so.

Has someone ever saved yours?

Hmmm….not literally, I think.

DARE-OLOGY

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?

Yeeeee-aaaaah. If I could regain a little self-esteem first. Yeah, I’d do it.

Would you kiss a member of the gender you don’t normally kiss, for $100?*

Wait, let me see if I have $100 on me… (Though my new answer, based on my new question, is that there is no gender I don’t normally kiss, so this question is still irrelevant for me. Ask me if I’d kiss a frat boy for $100–now THAT’S a dare.)

Would you have sex with a member of gender you don’t usually have sex with for $10,000?

(Ditto above. Would I have sex with a Republican, or a pro-life fundamentalist Pentecostal, or a 20-year-old frat boy, or any of the kids at our party last week, for $10,000? No. Fucking. Way.)

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?

I think I might.

Would you never blog again for $50,000?

Hell yeah! I’d just email you all every day.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?

Yeah, all right.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?

Only $1000? That won’t even pay my rent for August. I’ll pass on this one.

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?

Absolutely, if I get to pick the human. I can say no more.

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?

Yep.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?

Yeah, if I can still watch movies.

Yeah. That was long and a little tedious. I heart long boring memes.

*Edited because heteronormativity sucks ass, and not in a good way.

I just made a fabulous trade: a giant jar full of my spare change for a hefty Amazon gift certificate. (Did you know that there are no fees at Coinstar when you get a gift card instead of cash? And you know how I love getting a bargain…) I’m going through my Amazon wish list right now, feeling like a kid in some kind of store.

But I had a quick question: I’m looking at a bunch of books about how to navigate the academic job search, and I’m wondering if any of y’all are familiar with any of these–is there one you’d particularly recommend, or one you think is pretty useless? (I’m in a humanities field, for what that’s worth.) The ones I’m looking at right now are The Academic Job Search Handbook, Job Search in Academe, Surviving Your Academic Job Hunt, and Getting an Academic Job (which is not so much a contender, since it’s twice the price of the others). Any of these work for you? Any others I should know about?

• Blogger is being a pain in the ass, and making me wonder again if I should switch to WordPress. I would do it in a minute if WordPress didn’t make it so hard to blog from my phone…guess I’ll just bitch about it and wait out Blogger’s annoyances.
• My school’s website was down and/or slow all day too, which wouldn’t be a huge deal, except that I have to be on the school’s VPN to use some of my software. So the one day in, like, three weeks that I decide to work in ATLAS, I can’t use it. Nice.
• I transcribed one interview today. The interview was about 1:20 long, and it took for-fucking-ever to transcribe (as they all do). That counts as progress on the diss, right? Even though it’s only one tiny thing on my list of things to do?
• I’m back to being all socially-anxious and freaking out about contacting any of my contacts for observation and interviews. The eternal question: Why, why, why did I pick a methodology that is so completely wrong for my personality?
• Almost everything in the house is packed, so we’re in that weird pre-moving limbo where we really don’t have any stuff, exactly. It’s nice, in a way, but I am so, so, so ready to be in the new apartment already.
• Canada is right (and cracked me up): I will really miss the bumper pool table. Jason will be over sometime in the next couple days to take it off to its new home, with him. I’ll still see it, of course–especially since we just found out that Jason is moving on September 1st to the same town we’re moving to. I know something totally amazing will emerge in the new apartment to take the bumper pool table’s place, but it really is the end of an era.
• I probably should take all this whining over to Phantom’s, but Blogger isn’t cooperating so much and I feel weird about whining around other people lately…so instead, I’m just doing Polyopia’s All-Whining-All-The-Time.

Lately I’ve been feeling like crap. I actually emailed some research group about participating in a study on BDD, because there’s still a tiny part of my head that knows that the things that are going on in there are not entirely normal, or healthy, or true. But this post is not, for the most part, about that (mostly because–as I think y’all know by now–I just tend to deal with Really Painful Things, especially on this blog, by mentioning and then ignoring them).

Part of my issue with all of this self-loathing and disgust I’ve got going on right now, though, is that nothing I wear feels comfortable. So today, after meeting the fabulous Iron Buttercup for a sangria-lunch, I decided to break down and do a little retail therapy. I got some shoes I’ve had my eye on…I can’t find them online and uploading pictures from my phone isn’t happening right now (because have I said lately that Blogger sucks?), but I’ll post a picture of them here at some point.

But then! I saw a great deal at Sierra Trading Post listed on Slickdeals: 20% off any order, PLUS $10 off $20 or more if you use Google Checkout, PLUS 20 cent shipping. I freaking love Sierra Trading Post anyway, and I love discount coupons, and I love extra discounts, and don’t even get me *started* on free shipping. Heaven, I tells ya.

So I got these, for GB, because he had these slippers, and loved them, until they were destroyed recently in a cat pee incident that is better forgotten:

I got these pants, because I’m incapable of NOT buying pants in this style:

(They’re not cropped, they just look oddly shortened in this photo.)

And I got this top. I’m undecided about this. I think I like it, but I’m worried it’s going to be a little too…highschool goth. What do you think?

Or insane. The Lil Wrangler racks up tickets at Chuck E Cheese.

To be any less productive today, I’d have had to be comatose.

I ordered delivery. Threw a few bottles in the recycling bin, threw some plastic cups in the trash. Watched Tapeheads with GB while we ate lunch (aka breakfast and dinner as well, today)–a surprisingly bad movie, I thought, considering how much I love both John Cusack and Tim Robbins. Thought about working. Thought about napping. Laid on the couch and switched between The Sixth Sense and Sybil until both movies got oddly mixed. Watched Deadwood with GB. Made a half-hearted attempt at reading some dissertation-related articles…for about 15 minutes. Threw some more bottles in the bin. Tried to pick a stupid, insecure argument with GB.

Say it with me: Un. Pro. Duc. Tive. See how it rolls off the tongue?

I’m hoping for a bit of productivity tomorrow, but we’ll see…I’m babysitting the Li’l Wrangler all day tomorrow. I’m not thrilled about this, but I haven’t seen him in way too long, so it might be kind of nice. At least for an hour or so. We’ll see how that goes.

ETA: Weezy is smart, and I believe she’s right. Today was a wash, but after this week, and after last night, I do kind of feel like I’ve earned a day on the couch. I’ll do some work tomorrow…maybe. Maybe I’ll just hang out with the Li’l Wrangler and work some other time. But I do need to chill the hell out. Thanks, Weezy! I feel much better, giving myself permission to slack.

…how the drunken rock & roll gropefest went, right?

Hmm. What is the opposite of a drunken rock & roll gropefest? Is it a keg party populated almost entirely by rude, probably underage (though I was not about to start carding people), sweaty assholes who are so unbearable, as a group, that every one of my rock & roll friends hung out on the porch for most of the night, just to get away from the children?

Yeah. That’s about right.

Here is my preliminary list of infractions committed:

• They spilled beer over every floor surface.
• They (inexplicably) scattered mint leaves, left on the counter after my awesome mojito-making, all over the kitchen floor.
• They smoked in the kitchen, after being firmly instructed not to.
• They walked past me (and the rest of the Rock & Roll Grownups) to get into my house without bothering to introduce themselves or say hello (with a couple notable exceptions: three of the boys apparently did learn manners at some point in their short lives. The rest, not so much).
• They made my house smell like a highschool boy’s locker room. (God, testosterone just reeks. Younger boys smell nasty.)
• They showed up, every single last one of them, empty handed.

Oh, I could go on and on. But thank goddess Iron Buttercup was there, and the Wrangler, and Blanche, and a few other people who made the party bearable. (GB, sadly, was not one of the people making the party bearable. GB was, sadly, swept up in the highschool-party groove, and ended up drunk, surly, a little fucked up on some annoying substances, and needing badly to be put to bed. And to that, I say better him than me, at least.)

How I should have known it wasn’t going the way I wanted: Bad Idea, in response to my attempt to give him a hello-and-thank-god-you’re-here hug, jumped back and informed me that he has poison ivy again. (Me: Well, is it everywhere? Bad Idea: Just on my hands. Me: Both hands? BI: Just this one hand. Me: [glimmer of hope]. Yes, friends, I debated risking poison ivy just to get in some drunken groping, which didn’t happen anyway. Sad.)

Remind me, next time, to specify that I’m looking for an ADULT drunken rock & roll party. Because otherwise, ewwww.